Day 30, April 8

Well I tried to do the infinate mantra expansion again this time with Zac.  I just felt beat the fuck up .  I got through about 3 japamal and just felt beat up.  yeah there is observer effect when you try to do something with someone else.

He reported it felt more about time ( and temporal magic) then raw power…The other times feel like raw increases in power, this had outside of time elements.  Thats what I felt yesterday too.

Shelving that experiment for now.  I still have trouble remembering the mantra after 30 days of solid work.

so now every day after this is just prepping the final showdown.  Hahahha, its not actually like that, but I will do a multihour homa on the 22 and I got to get alot more stuff.

Changes so far on DAY  30… 

Interpersonal improvement on relationships that matter.

  • Strong positive movement ( although going through alot of harsh truths), on interpersonal issues.  Many people and I are communicating much better although we had a lot of clear and honest communication.  I would say in multiple cases, thats a huge help.  Sure there still might be issues,

Personal Grace.

  • There are some situations still which need alot of work, they are not mine to care about and its just better to not be involved.  That used to kill me, but not anymore. There has been a mental release from the burden of some of those sitautions.  I consider this a type of stoic grace.  I cannot change the situation, but through the work I have decided to not let it tear me down, and realized it does not have to have an impact on me.  I can work on me even if some people I really care about are really setting themselves up for huge issues.  Even though I would like to help, it doesnt affect me when I cant anymore.
  • I started doing more trickster type magic which is much closer to my personality actually
  • I can honestly say, I started off feeling broken and depressed, but I dont know.. Thats not to say tehre is no problems, but its just not the same…alchemy happened…

Strong new opportunities with Higher quality Peps.

  • Several new people have come into my life.Seems like a good start to several new relationships.
  • Financially, I have seen noticable gains, but not in areas I expected.  Some of the ways frees me from other worries ( or potential worries).

Utter destruction of toxic relationships

  • Speaking of huge Issues,… One “friend”/student who was extremely toxic, self-destructive, and general blames everyone but himself for his issues, might be on drugs, or has become an alcoholic…pretty well attacked me via multi-hour facebook chat lashing and is trying to magically attack me.  No thats  not working.. but I know…  its quite self destructive, I am very very worried about him, but I got to know.. that kind of shit, hampers my spiritual development, so of course… Kali gets rid of it… To keep people in your life that only seek to blame you and vampirize your magic, and will do very little to help themselves… I cannot keep doing that.. I am not sure how it helps him to verbally attack a person who has gotten you multiple jobs,  actually did multiple miracles… but thats how it is when you spiral out of control and won’t except that maybe your shadow and personality might be a huge part of your problems.  From the Kali work, that CANNOT remain in my life …
  • Other people seemed to less dramatically drop off my radar, but it was still the same they were pretty toxic.

Inconsistant visions about my career.  this one didn’t resolve… so it is what it is.  I get it work toward a different career path, but thats still cloudy on how.

Now I am not stopping at 30, in fact I doing more then 40 days, but will start moving into preparing a huge homa which I might see other benefits from on April 22.   But I have done the 30!!!!  yeah me.