centipede

A few days ago, I saw what I thought was dog shit on the floor and bent down to pick it up with a piece of toilet paper. Moments before I touched it, I realized that this was actually a 6-inch highly poisonous centipede. I was able to sweep it up and toss it outside but something about that experience stuck with me. I realized that it was the first time in possibly years that I have experienced pure, unadulterated fear. I’ve always been told that fear is a weakness and I needed to get over it to be strong. It has been very difficult for me to evoke fear for magic exercises so I decided to focus on that today. 

I got a picture of the breed of centipede that I found and placed it in the same spot on the floor that I had found it. I looked at the picture, then closed my eyes and remembered finding the real one. I changed my memory just slightly so that instead of pulling away, I actually touched it and that it perked up and bit me. I repeated this new memory for the duration of the meditation. I allowed the waves of fear to flow through me as I felt each imaginary bite and I allowed myself to feel the fear as power. As I was imagining this, I chanted “fear is power. I harness the power of my own fear.” I used diaphragmatic breathing and sat in a half-lotus position. And of course I banished afterwards.

There were a few moments of verbal descriptions of this exercise that ran through my mind as I did it. However, I remained focused on the imagery and the invigorating feelings of fear throughout most of this meditation. The more fear I felt, the stronger I felt. At times, it was like I was surrounded by a ball of powerful energy. It was an amazing experience! This was as far out of my comfort zone with magic(k) as I have been in a long time. I am pretty proud of myself for going there.