I had to sit and ask myself, “Who did I piss-off today?” as today was… well, not fun. It started last night with a phone call from my mother that just spiralled into places I didn’t want to go (she has Alzheimer’s disease) and my rest was not at all restful. I did contact my aunt and got the full (and correct) version of events, but that hardly eased my concerns and guilt over the whole situation with having my mother in an assisted living facility. Rationally, I do know that she needs supervised care 24/7 and it is not something that I can provide at this time… but the guilt still stings. On the way home from work, I tripped on the kerb and twisted my ankle enough that an evening run is not in the cards.
So I smudged. And offered libations to all beings I might owe a debt &/or may have offended.
Sitting for meditation did not occur this morning. That time was spent talking with my aunt about my mother, and getting assurances that I will be contacted ASAP if/when needed. This afternoon, I tried to sit and meditate, but I am still not in a good place for this. I can do the breathing exercises, but settling my mind into stillness just isn’t happening. I am, however, making small forays out into nature from time to time, and just sitting and soaking in the green world, breathing in fresh air, and looking at the white clouds in the sky. We’re supposed to get rain tonight. If we do, I will be out dancing in the rain and washing myself clean.
Tomorrow is a new day.