I spent much of the day with the girl I am dating. Meditation was a bizarre and uneven experience, with images of our time together arising within my mind in the course of the normal consequences of meditation. The way my feelings for her are affecting my subtle body was palpable, and they interlaced with practice in a bizarre, see-saw effect: one moment I would be watching the mantra’s effect on consciousness, the next a vivid visual memory of her would arise trigger waves of bliss and longing at my heart. 

Despite it all I got a better sense of the issue I have been working on : my awareness kept moving between the irritation at my throat and the nervousness in my gut until finally settling deep within my manipura or solar plexus chakra, where I was able to abide in a calmer and more focussed state. What I am being shown is that to do magic more effectively I need to move beyond nervous expectation (“lust of result”) and irritation that magical practices may not manifest in exactly the ways I might want and focus on the purity and stillness of action and intent.