Again another day I left it till late; with the holiday tomorrow I spent most of the day gathering things and then cooking (and there'll be more cooking tomorrow, too). And again, I found it hard to get into any kind of trance. But I set up the circle, lit the candles and some incense, and sat down with the talisman.

Oh I did do the pranayama right nostril breathing beforehand.

I couldn't catch more than a glimpse of the red Mars room; so instead I imagined something simpler, just being inside a sphere of Mars energy, which was made of the same interlacing red threads that are in the ceiling? air? of the Mars room. I meditated on what I wanted, which was physical energy, then looked and felt around until one of the strands caught my attention. It was glowing red, like it was a steel wire that was hot; but when I touched it to attach it to the talisman it did not burn me.

At the end of the ritual I attached a real bit of red yarn to the physical talisman.

I am still feeling very tired, like can't get out of bed tired; part I know is I've been staying up insanely late, but overall also even though I am getting enough sleep I'm just really lethargic. It's puzzling me as it's the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve here. I can't tell if it's a block, or I'm going about connecting with the Mars energy in an inefficient (or even 'wrong') manner, or if it's one of those things that is totally part of the process but I just don't recognize it yet because I'm in the middle of it. But I don't feel like I'm making progress or really connecting with things. A lot of this feels like going through the motions. Fair enough I can't expect to be able to get into trance every time (it has in the past always gone in cycles, and I've let it). I don't know. I'm definitely open to suggestions at this point.

ETA: Just occurred to me that both yesterday and today I spent some time with my sister. That sounds nice except my family is pretty toxic and she's not an exception, being the sort of person who needs attention fixed on her at all times. She's certainly exhausting to be around as well as not safe (she's not into the woo or any of this). To the point where lately I've been consciously wearing these anti-evil-eye earrings that I made out of blue glass beads with the eye on them (like smaller versions of the Turkish blue glass charms) when I know I'll be around her. So that could be some of why I'm feeling so tired, maybe.

Thalia

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