Last night was what I was trying to avoid. It was past midnight, I was so tired I couldn’t function, and here I am standing at the altar trying to do ritual. I got in about 7 minutes before I called it. Going to try to get ritual done today before my new roommate moves in.
My house is DISGUSTING!!! It really stresses me out when y house is a mess. I hope this move is cleaned up quickly. I can’t live in disarray. I can’t focus on ritual with boxes and shit everywhere.
I was hyper away of my crankiness yesterday, and really seeing how my job is contributing to it. I HATE my job. I’ve been there for 6 weeks and there is nothing positive about it. If the pay were decent, I could tolerate it, but I would seriously be making more money working at Pizza Hut. I am getting my power cut off on Friday, with two people moving in today, one of the a 6 year old. Their rent money has already been spent on other bills. If anything is clear, it’s that I need a better job, but PSW work is the only thing I am qualified for. Te reason I took the PSW course? Because I would rather wash asses than work in a call centre, which is where I am headed if I am not working as a PSW.
This is a chicken and egg scenario. The point of this uncrossing is to end the shitstorm of negativity that started in March. I’ve only been at this job for 6 weeks, so the job can’t be blamed for how bad things are. A new job may pay my bills, but it won’t get my old job back, it won’t get my daughter back. What I need to do is stop being a pacifist and do some major curse work on those who screwed me over. There has been no consequence for what was done. I’ve just rolled over and taken it. I am NOT a pacifist!
I won’t do the cursework until after the 30 days is over. I need to get my own house in order before I destroy someone else’s.