Today, though my pain had subsided considerable, I only did circuit breathing… and fell asleep.
Today, I officially made the decision to let go. The greatest battle of my life rests on the bad attitude of a 12 year old. Continuing this battle will end in me going bankrupt, losing the house I just bought, only to further drive a wedge between myself and my daughter. So, I’m walking away. I’m walking away from the lawyers and courts and the supervised access. I’m walking away from the financial burden, the stress, the rift in our relationship. I’m walking away from the abusive, unproductive, upsetting phone conversations with her father. I’m walking away from the horrific slanderous accusations made against me so her father can use her as a meal ticket. When she wants a relationship with me, she knows where to find me.
I feel relieved. I feel free. But at the same time, I currently have nothing to fight. I have no drama. I have nothing to fret over. Well, I have a wildlife problem in my yard, and it may take a full year to recover financially. I have some work stuff going on which will solve itself in the next two weeks. I’m still obese. But, I can handle all that shit. It’s almost scary that I’m fighting nothing. I don’t know if I’ve ever not been in battle.
I wanted movement. I got it.