Very difficult time tonight. I have been having strong cramps which my doctor tells me is the baby moving, in addition to my body adjusting for the pregnancy. Without the pain, I felt in a perfect state of mind for ritual tonight. I did the breathing meditation, which I hoped would help me get past the "discomfort." It didn't; but the pain raised the words "new life" and it sort of dawned on me that Life should always be treated with the wonder of newness, and perhaps that is part of what I have been lacking. I mentally recited my chant a few times, and She arrived, faintly, and told me I had to deal with "this" for now and tonight was not for us. Ugh. As much "success" as I may have had with this, I can't help but feel it is still lacking, with all I am facing in challenge. It's frustrating, to say the least.

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