It's been really lovely and warm this week, but it rained on and off yesterday.  Last night, however, it turned really cold (for May).  The windows were open in the bedroom, so I woke up around 5am cold.  I closed them, but couldn't get back to sleep.  I listened to some audio book, but still couldn't sleep.  I played a white noise and rattle mp3, because if can't sleep, might as well journey, right?

I feel asleep during that, and had very powerful dreams.  I always have my most powerful dreams when I wake up early, be up for an hour or two, and then go back to sleep.  They were pseudo-lucid.  I didn't realize I was dreaming, but I knew I was having magical visions.

First, all was dark and I just had senses of things, which was very much like visionary trance is for me.  Then, there was a weird feeling in my forehead (not the pressure, a different feeling), and I thought, "Oh, that's my third eye opening up; I wonder if I'll be able to see in this vision now.  And I could.

I was outside, in the woods, but not a woods I knew.  Not deep woods; there was a parking lot at the edge of it.  Like a park.  There was a gravel road leading up a hill. I went up the hill (it was weird, I was sometimes driving and sometimes walking, but the travel was very effortless, even though climbing steep hills is hard for me; I noticed that in the dream, and I think that's when I switched to being driving…)

Things are sort of jumbled up; I looked and looked for Bear, but he wasn't there, so I went by myself.  I don't know if I ever got to the top, but I remember watching cartoon Sam Gamgee help Frodo did his hand in magma to be rid of the Ring.  Then (I don't know exactly how) I was in a place that was my parents house.  I was just hanging out with them (I forgot they were dead).  My father fell asleep on the couch, he was wearing khaki pants and a pale blue silk shell dress.  (My father was a big guy; nearly 300 pounds, and covered in black curly Greek hair; including a full Karl Marx style beard, so this image was very weird.)  I asked him why he was wearing it, and he said he was trying something new. (I actually recognized it; it came from Goodwill, and was hanging in my mother's closet waiting to be altered; there's a matching jacket.).  Then, he was wearing a pale blue tafetta dress shot through with gold embroidery.  I asked where it had come from, because I had never seen it before.  He said it was from "the holding room at Chestnut St."  (My parents owned several commercial properties.  Chestnut St was a 6 unit apartment building with storage in the basement. I lived there briefly when I was about 21 (in an apartment, not in the basement).  It burned to the ground in the fall, about a month before they died.)  Old family photos of my cousins on my dad's side were on the walls. (I'm not very close with those cousins; some I haven't see (except at the funeral) in years.

There was an embroidery of a sailboat, which I said was pretty, and they should frame.  They told me to take it.  Then, I remembered that they were dead.  Now, this has happened in dreams before, but I always wake up when I remember that they're dead.  But, just as I was waking up, my mother injected me with something, and then I was back in the dream.  

But then, my partner woke me up.

Sara Mastros

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