Last night was tough. I was tired and burnt out. My mind was all over the place. I just couldn’t focus. This is quite typically considering the current hormonal phase.
I sat down at the altar, but I was out of charcoal brickettes. Instead, I tried burning kyphi and could not get it to light. I kept fiddling and fussing with it, with no luck.
I sat there, and really did try to meditate. I tried going back to the shoreline and calling Manannan. He did not come to me. I started getting frustrated, which took me out of trance. I went back under, and still struggled.
After a while I thought that I’d give it a rest and try again in an hour. Supernatural was on, so I thought I’d chill and watch that. I fell asleep on the couch and further buggered up my already injured neck.
Last night was a bust. But, I showed up. I tried. Like I said, this may be hormonal, as the night before I had difficulty settling into trance. If so, tonight could go either way. I have a whole hell of a lot going on in my life right now, which is all the more reason that I should be showing up at the altar. I also did not do the Alishan meditation at bedtime either. There’s a part of me feeling like a hopeless guilty failure, but I am going to aim for self-gentleness today.
Today and tomorrow I am going constant with appointments from 9am-9pm both days. I feel zapped, drained, over run. Yes, I know, these are reasons to hit the meditations harder. I have so much to do in the next week and a half. The next few days will be extremely difficult to stay focused.